magsulat at magbasa.

gusto ko na.

i am mamaru.
and i miss doing the basics -
reading and writing.

when the mamaru is just what she is...a mamaru.

having this blog, apparently, is my way of compensating for my feelings of intellectual inadequacy. i'm back in this mosh pit where i let myself get trampled upon by my own critical self.

i suck at doing my OWN research. i've been writing and rewriting my MS thesis for the past couple of years. i remember the time when i was still so in love with this study. my eyes would glimmer every time i explain it to other people. and then came the nerve-wracking proposal defense, seemingly endless revisions, physically and emotionally battering data collection and data analysis, frustrating consultations, another stressful defense, and one more round (hopefully it's the last) of revisions. the process just sucked the positivity out of me and my faith in this study.

this crappy study strains my sense of competence. and from this, a tiny ball of self-pity starts snowballing, rolling over my teaching skills, my poor memory, and my limited communication skills, among many others.

i just want to get this OVER and DONE with so i can, at long last graduate, discern, move on, and find my niche where i will feel useful, well-compensated, and most of all COMPETENT. as of the moment, being in school- whether as a student or as a teacher, isn't really THE niche that i have in mind.

i am mamaru.
period.

my nominees for "the emerging influential blogs writing project"

i am a blog-hopper. i go from one blog to another. then again, there are a very few blogs that i frequent. and with the very many blog sites mushrooming in cyberspace, only a handful make me linger on their turfs, and really make me want to read their entries. i pick blogs based on site appearance, themes, the authors' fluency in writing, and more importantly the relevance of their entries in my life...

here are my nominees for ms. janette toral's project: top 10 emerging influential blogs writing project. please vote for them too! :)

Fat Girl No More - teacher ria braves two of the most difficult things to do: to manage weight and to inspire others to do the same. :)

The Accidental Teacher - teacher ria isn't only a teacher to her students but to her fellow teachers as well.

i've recently discovered the following blogs thru a friend! :) i am also voting for...
NomNom Club
Surviving Autism
Christian Homeschooler

This big-time project is sponsored by: Events and Corporate Video, Budget hotel in Makati, Pinoy Party Food, Copyediting Services, PR Agency Philippines, Budget Travel Philippines, Send Gifts to the Philippines, Black Friday Deals, Roomrent - units for rent, Search Profile Index, and Corporate Events Organizer.


that's it! :) time for me to go blog hop-hop-hoppin'! :)

self-preservation

define SELF-PRESERVATION.

according to me, SELF-PRESERVATION (n.) is an act of avoiding and/or feigning annoyance or indifference (towards a person or a situation) to keep the self from becoming more and more emotionally attached. usually, the attachment here is perceived as inappropriate.

in a sentence: "___, I think I shouldn't hangout with you as often. I might fall and fall hard. I sure don't want to get hurt. Might as well stay away... It's a self-preservation thing."

i am mamaru.
and i just found out
that this self-preservation thing
is actually heartbreaking...

nostalgia.

dear little one,

i saw your picture posted on the Web today. you are such a charming little tot. :) your features are a combination of your parents'. i think most of the charm that you exude, though, came from your dad. i guess a lot of people already told you that you have your daddy's beautiful almond-shaped eyes. i recognize the same droop and the long lashes because many years back, i looked deeply into your father's entrancing eyes.

you are beautiful, kid. you are a testament of your father's unshakable love for your mother, and of your mother's unfaltering faith in that love.

may you grow up to be just like your father - smart, very artistic, strong-willed, faithful... but when you're bigger, say 20-something or older, please try your best not to break a girl's heart. do not look at her intently, say "i cannot leave you behind..." and then just walk away... because you see, my dear, the pain that that moment brought is something that nobody would want to suffer.

anyway, take good care of your mom and dad. knowing them, i'm pretty sure that they are giving their all to become the best parents they can be to you. :)

xo,
your dad's little miss

i am mamaru.
and i know that i fell
(in many different ways one could fall)
a long time ago.

breaking a habit.

they say, "it only takes 21 days to break a habit."

i say, CRAP.

i am mamaru.
but i have very low EQ.

so over.

i learned that it is truly possible to sincerely, completely get over an ex.

i just saw some pictures of my ex with his current girlfriend. every image spells L-O-V-E, CHEESE. hehe! :) i found myself saying, "aaaww, how cute. they look so happy together!" that is without having to convince myself that they do look good as a couple. and then i realized, boy oh boy, it's really possible to absolutely, absolutely come to terms with the person whom you loved for so long and who soonafter (fortunately) broke your heart. by absolutely, i mean no ill feelings, no sadness, not even a hint of bitternass.

my ex and i, we've been good friends for about a year now. we resealed the friendship 5 years after the break up. it's all good. time heals all wounds, so they say. and it did. letting go, moving on, getting over, and finally realizing that you successfully did 'em all is nothing but liberating. :)

**to eks & his trulabs... all the best! KAMPAI! :)**

i am mamaru.
and i know that you'll get over
your heartbreak sh*t soon.

nothing 'JUST happens'

"Oh, as if you had no choice? There's a moment, there's always a moment, 'I can do this, I can give into this, or I can resist it," and I don't know when your moment was, but I bet you there was one."

~Alice, CLOSER

i am mamaru.
and i know that Alice is right -
nothing, nothing JUST happens.

what i know about goodbye...

is that it is NEVER easy to say even if you've said it several times...




i am mamaru.
and i know how painful goodbyes are.

☻

WELCOME 2010! ☻

...and welcome to the mamaru's turf. ;) i will probably post my first mamaru entry this week. in the meantime, do check out the gadgets on my sidebar for some random facts, motivational quotes, and chow tips from fellow mamaru's. hehe! :)

*shinnnnng!*
those are good vibes for y'all!